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(open up my heart)

Portland and mas [09 Feb 2015|12:53am]
Just got back a few days ago from doing video design for Zen Shorts and had a real awesome experience in Portland. This is definitely a city I need to come back to and explore. My brief 5 day time in the Northwest was simply amazing. It really felt like a different place. Weird ya, but in a good way. I can totally understand why so many people are relocating here. I wish the job market was a little more obvious. I'm sure in a decade it will be an entirely different place. But it does make me wish I could maybe spend a summer or just a few months in any season there.

The rain was super enjoyable too. Always wanted to experience that constant rain. So cool.

Waiting on my graduate school application. Looking forward to solving a lot of stuff in the next few months. Tracy is moving in with me, which is a huge step in my life. Going to be a great next 6 months as long as I keep my head up. I'm trying to build a new squarespace template website. Might try this other place too just to get something good going. I'm going to try and be more active as a blogger or writer. Maybe just to throw all my thoughts out in the world again, regardless of an audience. Really want to start making small shorts on youtube for some good practice.

Such a crazy internet magic world I live in now. Always thought it would happen, can't wait to see what the future has in store. The difficult part is trying to keep all my digital data and information stored, backed-up, and protected for my life. I don't really want to lose anything. Been cleaning up my stuff quite a bit in preparation for Tracy to move here. Going to rearrange and move a bunch of stuff to accommodate her better. Feeling a lot healthier as well.

I'm 29 now, first time I wrote in this was when I was 15. Maybe 14? Hmm... but ya. It keeps on trucking. I'll do a year update that catches my LJ up on my life. Need to document and reflect quite a bit. Helps to remove the junk from the memory, and grab on to the here and now.

(open up my heart)

[03 Aug 2014|01:56am]

Gotta remember to post! Heading to NYC in about 3 hours. Running video for a show and hopefully getting some fun downtime. Lot to say soon!

(open up my heart)

Notes from Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis [08 Jan 2014|06:37pm]
"this is a good world that has gone wrong, but still retains the memory of what it ought to be."

(open up my heart)

Only 5 days from a year ago did I last write! [15 Dec 2013|03:34am]
Well after a long hiatus, I have come back to write again.

Time and trials have passed on and on. This was once a time when I would write my thoughts, emotions, and troubles. My philosophy pouring through.

It is 3:11 am and I am up reading my last post. Listening to a wonderful song from the extended edition of the Return of the King. Houses of Healing by Howard Shore.

So where have I been?

A year ago I was in love with someone I thought was to bring about a great change in my life. I thought. In fact, I did change quite a bit. I find myself struggling deeper with things that reach into my past and my core, challenging me, and turning me. My fear and respect for God has not changed and has grown deeper. I wish I was only a stronger being that I could collapse my poor habits around me.

I lost the girl Stephanie, a girl I knew long ago and for many years. I had to remove the memory of her, the existence of and those around her. I am speaking silly but I do mean that in a world without technology, if someone was to say goodbye. It meant you wouldn't continue to see updates of their life, unless they were a celebrity. In this world, when you become parted from someone, it is easy to be constantly reminded of them and allow dark thoughts to twist reality. Constantly assuming they are doing better or are engaged with others...

Thus, because of these dark feelings and knowing that a power would grow and consume me I have learned, by way of those who have pressed the same action against me, to give up these people. To let them be free of me, and to free me of them. As wonderful and amazing as they may be, it's a far better situation to not allow your heart to dwell and become filled with anger.

Instead, release the issue as soon as possible, turn away and march on knowing the past has already passed into nothing.

In my own haste though, I did quickly try and repair. It takes much more time than you can imagine. But in 6 months time or so, I have moved forward. I understand those that quit and leave, and I know that I press on and endure. And I still love them.

Where do I stand now as a new year approaches again? Another age.

Let's see... I am currently working at MjO ne with cirque. I work on a very irritating but diligent crew. Mostly their attitudes and attacks on their peers rile me up, but I know that in time this will all be in the past as well. I've found a real love for computer science and programming using Max/MSP. It has been a fun program to learn and play with and has given me much more power and has become a great toolset for video and projections. I have fun playing guitar from time to time, and progressing little by little in that hobby. I've been reading more and have finally begun reading all of Tolkiens works. I have yet to finish one, but in time I will. I still cannot figure out if I am an artist, a designer, a writer, a musician, a creator. I do not know, I have a drive to create that is hardly matched, but I never seem to find the time to do it.

I hope to have some new opportunities arrive soon and move back to california and start to put down roots. I still get incredibly inspired by good music, it is a trait I believe I have inherited from my mother. She was easily moved by beautiful music. I understand that rush of emotion that tears into our mind. Perhaps it is just a Nichols trait, a strange trigger.

These lyrics I keep listening to over and over, from the song I mentioned prior...

With a sigh, you turn away
With a deepening heart,
No more words to say
You will find that the world has changed forever.

And the trees are now
Turning from green to gold
And the sun is now fading
I wish I could hold you closer.

A deepening heart, I feel that is my heart. A great mine, always digging deeper and handing out treasure at will.

I'm intense. Time to be intense. 2014 will be a great year to push forward. As all years ahead of me will reveal themselves in time.

Also I am going to update more, it's a great hobby to write your thoughts.

(open up my heart)

Love my lady [10 Dec 2012|12:36am]

I'm in love with Stephanie smith. Pretty excited for our future! I also just finished my job in Los Angeles, and I'll be heading to the next big thing in Vegas. I feel like in 4 years I'll be in a whole different world.

It's kinda like our world really functions in groups of fours. Well at least from high school on for me. 4 years of this, the. 4 more for college. So far I've been with cirque and this career for four years and wow I've learned a lot. So I have to ask where will I be in 4 years from here? I know in four years or so I'll be 30. What things are awaiting me.

More updates soon. Got some great. Dow books to read. And a lot of nice vacation to get things in order. Stoked!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

(open up my heart)

[19 May 2012|07:55pm]

At work. Doing another show, in vegasnsoon. 2 days off woo hoo. I'm 26! Still wacky. Woop Woop.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

(open up my heart)

[24 Dec 2011|03:07am]

Learning to drop envy out of not feeling worth enough. Learning a lot it seems. And turning 26 soon!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

(open up my heart)

[01 Dec 2011|02:28am]

Just got an iPad. Super awesome. More later!!!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

(open up my heart)

[11 Nov 2011|03:29am]

I want to write in here more. And I damn well mean too.

I need more posts before I turn 26. HA!

(open up my heart)

[11 Nov 2011|03:23am]
As an update, I have a new car.

I now own a 2010 Ford Mustang Premium Convertible.

Quite a step up for me haha. But a really good deal. I learned a great deal about how to live without a car in this city. Very easy to, not to terrible frustrating, just requires a lot of planning.

Also I've started to step up my game, and I'm taking care of things immediately, with a very positive and pro work ethic attitude. I'm translating my "work" persona, to my home!

I was very much diligent at work, and project orientated, but the problem would come when I would get home, I had very little to look forward to, or do. I became very work oriented, which is not my intention.

I've been painting again, at least every day from now on, although I only just started up again 2 days ago. Next I'm picking up my 8mm film from the developer tomorrow, and getting a projector possibly to view it.

I'm going to really spend time and build the projects I wanted when I can. I don't get any real days off, and I'm kind of stuck here all the time. I prison in which I get paid, I can't really call it that though.

It's a good job, a well paying job, and hopefully one day, a job where I get more than a day here and there off.

Luckily as february is just around the corner, I will get an entire month off. 28 days in a row, I'm not sure what I will do with myself, it's almost like summer break.

But hopefully I will maintain a diligent attitude and be able to work as hard as possibly to create something awesome.

The goal is to create! Create my thoughts and really flesh out the world!

God is with me always. I often stray and fail, I have bad habits as well, but God will always be with me to guide and protect me.

In a world where dependence falls on the digital and the virtual, I want to remind people about the physicality of it all.

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